Relationship Clutter

Relationship Clutter

Chapter one of Peter Walsh’s Enough Already!: Clearing Mental Clutter to Become the Best You focuses on clearing our relationships of clutter to make them the best they can be.

The baggage that we bring with us from our childhood and past relationships takes the form of mental clutter that can damage our current relationships. On top of this pile the accumulation of grievances and past transgression of this current relationship as well as the clutter of every day stress and demands adds up to a lot of mental clutter! Clearing this mental clutter and focusing on the present relationship and its value is what he discusses in this chapter. I highly recommend you read this chapter for your self. I feel certain that as I did you will find great insight on how to be the partner you want to be and how to keep your own clutter from damaging your relationship.

The part of this chapter that spoke most to me was about how we can become so consumed with our list of “To Dos” that we neglect our relationships. Why would we work so hard at being good at our jobs and parenting our children and not put in the necessary work to develop and maintain our relationships? When in fact it is our relationship with our spouse that sets the tone for all the other relationships in our lives.

Again I am drawn back to my focus of being present and doing less to be more. With all of the demands of daily life cluttering up our minds it is easy to loose focus on our partners. For example have you ever found yourself so focused on your daily routine that when your partner speaks to you, you tune out what they are saying, thinking about what you’ve still got to do and how you are going to complete everything in the time you have left in the day? Or are you so focused on making your own point that you are too busy formulating what you will say next to really hear what they are saying? Being distracted by TV, computers, cell phones and other things also keeps us from being present and communicating with our families.

Time needs to be spent focusing solely on our loved ones without distractions. Not only the ones we can see but also the mental chatter that we can’t. Try using those communication skills you’ve read about, Eye contact, body language etc as well and clearing your mind of clutter when talking with your spouse. Don’t think about what you will say next but about what they are saying only. This is tough, I know I have been trying it and it takes work! But the reward is great, truly listening is a selfless act that leaves us feeling connected to the other person and invested in their feelings. Try it and let me know how it works for you!

The next chapter deals with work and setting priorities. I can’t wait! Hope you are reading along and if not it’s not too late to join me.

Valerie